The strangest thing about this is that it really exists.

Looks good.

There are times when, like everyone else, I feel the need to get on my personal soap box and have a rant.  Fortunately, I have a draft of a post that I can work from, so this shouldn’t take too long at all:

When my guts are being ripped and torn by a Hunter right next to you, can you please just push him off?  Stop trying to shoot him off of me with your shotguns – just give him a whack on the head, THEN shoot.

Basically if you rescue anyone who’s pinned or constricted, you’ll have a better chance of preventing further damage if you use a melee attack to save him/her, especially if you’re alongside the victim.  If not, then you can try to kill the Hunter or Smoker, although most of the time it would be wise to run towards them as well in case you get there a little earlier.  It would also be wise if, should you decide to run and shoot, you don’t go alone in case you get caught yourself.

See it sounds obvious now, but you’d be surprised by how many people seem to forget this.  Oh well, I guess it’s better than doing nothing:

I hate bots.

What’s next on the menu?  Opinions on the recent punishing actions against idlers?  Thoughts about the recent update?  General whining?

No, let’s get some dinner on here already!

This dish was made using a recipe from Cooking Guide: Can’t Decide What to Eat? The vermicelli itself had to be adapted – instead of soaking the noodles, they came in a package that had them, I guess, already cooked, and only needed to be warmed through in the wok.  They were also packaged with chopped spring onions, and were the only noodles of this kind available.

Sliced pork was added to a wok with a little bit of oil added to it.  When this was cooked through the chopped vegetables (cabbage, carrot, green peppers, onion and shiitake mushrooms) were added, before the vermicelli itself.  This was then accompanied by a sauce, which was made with small amounts of chicken stock, soy sauce, sugar, sesame seed oil and sake.  Simple.

Definitely recommended.

Lawl.

(Doctor Professor, PhD (pictured below) is a friend of mine on Steam.  In a world first, he has requested that this short article is posted here for all to see.  -Volken)

Hello Gentlemenne and Lasses of Fine Distinguishment.

As a Doctor Professor I have studied for many years to get my PhD in Doctor Professory.  I worked hard for many years in getting my Master’s Degree in Having A PhD, but I was turned down just before graduation due to a long list of crimes which I am not legally allowed to disclose.

I am here today to bring you a guide to the all-important function of HEALTH CONSUMPTION AND DEATH PREVENTION.  With these steps you will be able to master your field at being a Doctor for pretend in a virtual world setting and leave your enemies crying in the dust!

Then the dust will become so moist with their tears it shall become quicksand and they will be buried in a combination of their OWN TEARS and SAND OF THE MOIST PERSUASION!  Eons later they will be dug up and the future generations will say “This here is clearly a man who was not a great man of health but a poor man of leisure and therefore died a much deserved death at the hands of one who was greater than he was.”

STEP 1: Use Blutsauger!

Reason: There’s no reason to use the regular Syringe Gun because Valve doesn’t playest things.

STEP 2: Use Kritz/Uber appropriately

Reason: If there are only two medics on your team, use whichever Medigun he isn’t using unless you have some sort of strategy set up between the two of you.  I have also noticed that Ubercharges work better for attacking teams in situations where there are too many sentries to damage otherwise.  The Kritz will help a team trying to flush enemies out of their base or control point as well.

STEP 3: Always use Ubersaw

Reason: Unless you are messing about or are intent on having melee fights with people, the Ubersaw will help you (when you catch an enemy unaware and alone) to fill up your charge meter and speed up your assault.

For Direct Combat

Use vanilla items [Syringe Gun, Medigun and Bonesaw], and have a partner medic to become unstoppable.

It’s not enough to be a good medic. You must also have style and grace.

In conclusion I hope for your sake and mine that you follow these wise words with the utmost precision and never fall back into a state of potential death. These steps WILL make you UNDEFEATABLE!!

If you die while following these steps, it is not in any way your fault and you are right to suspect foul play.  Ends here.

-Doctor Professor, PhD

Well, it’s happened again.  You, as RED, went off to the centre point in an effort to get a head start.  BLU showed up, and try as you might you just couldn’t kill them.  With the last of your men finished off, they managed to capture the point for themselves.  Worse still, they also capped the RED entrance uncontested, since you were still in that respawn period.  They pushed forward into your base, where you dashed to your final control point to make a last stand.  You get cut down like grass before BLU seizes it.  You failed.  Again.  Boo.  It’s a trend that’s been followed for the past four games now – each game, played out in pretty much the same way, right down to the very reason why you lost.  Actually it’s a trend that been followed in nearly every single game played by players around the world.

You see, Team Fortress 2 was first released on 10th October 2007 as part of The Orange Box.  That means the game’s been out for around 22 months now.  Now, I am somewhat disgusted that after these 22 months, many of you still don’t realise how much of a problem this really is.  People have lost games base, entrance and centre and still haven’t had a clue why.  Sure, things looked promising back in April 2008, but now we’ve declined back to this state where you’ve fought and just didn’t have the strength, and the health, to go on.

Guys, you didn’t have a Medic, and you didn’t have one for a good while now.

I cannot stress enough the importance of having a Medic on your team.  I mean, if you were required to have at least one of a class on a team at all times, that class would be the Medic.  Just think about the perks a Medic can bring!

As the name suggests, the Medic is able to nurse you back to health when there isn’t a health kit to be found.  A Medic is also able to temporarily boost your total health by 50%.  Sure it ticks down after he stopped overhealing you, but you’d feel like you were on top of the world!

How about feeling like its King then?  A Medic will be able to make you invincible for at most ten whole seconds, or give you a chance to reign Armageddon onto that pesky enemy team for the same amount of time!  All this and you would be fully healed by the time it’s over, making you ready for more action!

But what about the perks for being that Medic?  How about being able to give this power to your friends, while gaining the upmost of respect for your team?  Plus you’d be able to slowly heal yourself when you get hurt.  That’s sounds cool, right?

Alright, there is a good chance that you’ll do a lot more healing than killing, and your team won’t always thank you for your efforts, but you’ll be one of the most, if not the most, important member of the team.  If you stay alive, it means your team will stay alive, and that means you have a better chance of winning the current round.  You’ll finally be able to capture BLU’s base.  Victory.  Hooray.

There is one other thing that I’ll mention: just think about your stats for a minute.  Just think about every high value you have in there.  I’m willing to bet that you wouldn’t have gotten such high values without the help of Medics.  Think about other people’s statistics – they would be in the same boat.  You might have already played with them before.  You might have been the one who helped them earn some new records.  They’ll be able to tell their stories to their other friends.  Think about it: ‘Oh yes, I remember when I beat this record again.  I couldn’t have done it without the help of this Medic in the game.  It was tough, but he managed to pop his Uber at the right time and we wrecked the other team.  We both capped the point and won the championship.  So yeah, that would have to be one of my favourite memories in the game.’  Then their friends would pass the story along in one big chain of love and care.

Congratulations: you are not just a Medic.  You are a legend.

So go on; your team can’t keep killing without the golden (read: reddish/bluish) rays of the Medigun keeping them happy.  Be there for them; go Medic today!

Your now optimistic teammate,

Volken.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: one of the reasons why I hate the Sniper (as a class, not as a character) is because I’m not good with him – that is, long-range combat isn’t my forte.  This is probably because I grew up playing games like Doom, Heratic and any other game that didn’t have a sniper rifle in it (sure there was the railgun in the Quake series, but I didn’t play that online).  This would also explain my often outlandish and appauling behaviour, but that’s not the point right now.  The point is growing up with these kinds of games has left me with the impression that snipers were cowards who couldn’t face me right on the battlefield like men.

Think about it: you’ve built up an impressive kill streak fighting and taking out everyone who faced your wrath.  You’ve dodged every bullet and made every shot count.  You feel like you can take o-POW!  Almost immediately, a single bullet hits your head, and you are cut down in your prime – perhaps denied glory.  The cause: the lone player who decided to stay out of your way, and what a weasel he is.  Instead of trying to face you head on, he decided to stay in the far corner of the map and finish you off with his fancy rifle.  Also his attitude stinks and he’s a general butt.

Oh but the power of it all; the ability to pick your targets and temporarily remove them is one that, deep down inside, we all want to get our hands on.  In the world of Team Fortress 2, as rageworthy as it is to be killed by a Sniper, it is a class that I want to improve as.  While previous attempts to play the Sniper were met with a slight lack in effort (and, I must admit, little success), last night’s game genuinely saw me utilise tricks and tips that I can not only relate to in context, but that I picked up on the fly.  In doing so, I have found that, like playing the Medic class, it is like playing a different game altogether.  So, I’ve decided to list what I can remember here – it may be beneficial to you too, but just bear in mind that I am no expert at being a Sniper.  I appreciate that it may sound obvious to some players, so I will put the jump in here too.

It should also be noted that this is in relation to using the Sniper Rifle in place of the Huntsman (as fun as that is to use).

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Aw snap, son; I better get to work.